Since You’ve Been Gone – Cover Reveal

Since you’ve been gone is a standalone novel based on love, loss and second chances… Add it to your TBR ‘That special someone can walk in and out of your life, yet leave a permanent mark that lasts a lifetime…’ Lucy … Continue reading

Hen’s on Tour… Or should that be the floor?

Willies…

Willies, willies and more bloody willies, surrounding us everywhere. Big ones, small ones, plastic ones and rubber ones. Fat ones, walking ones and even blimmin’ talking ones.

They really don’t lie when they tell you that they come in all different shapes and sizes, do they?

Willies are all that I can really remember. Everything else is a little hazy, but I guess having a wide variety of man-meat around you all night kind of sticks firmly in ones mind, doesn’t it? Right now, I can’t even make eye contact with the bananas that are currently occupying my fruit bowl without feeling a little squeamish.

All I wanted to do was create the perfect Hen Night for Hannah and it turned into an absolute cockfest. Not that any of us were really complaining about it at the time. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say we were enjoying ourselves a little too much. Looking back, right now I can only hope that it’s actually what she wanted and that I haven’t scared her and turned her off cock for life. I’m pretty sure Daniel would have quite a few colourful words to say to me when his manhood gets neglected.

You see, my best friend and partner in crime Hannah is getting married. She’s actually growing up and sealing the deal, doing the deed or whatever you want to call it, but it’s happening and soon. In all honestly I couldn’t be happier for her, she’s waited for this day to arrive since we were tiny and playing mums with our dolls.

Oh, how life was so much simpler back then when all we had to worry about was whether or not it was time to feed baby Annabelle.

However, throughout all of this excitement there seems to be one little problem. Scrap that, who I am I kidding? It’s not little, it’s bloody huge. The selfish cow only went and asked me to be her maid of bloody honour. Now to her, watching me breakdown into a blubbering mess clearly meant that I was over the moon and couldn’t have been happier that she’d chosen me, me of all people, to take on the responsibility of playing such an important role; when in actual truth my beautifully and attractive snot bubbles were nothing more than a sign of pure nerve-wracking, crippling fear slowly juddering through my body.

Why would she do this to me… Why?

Now, not only do I have to stand up in front of hundreds of people, some I know and others I don’t while trying my best to look pretty and act normal, but I’m also responsible for the Hen Night and to ensure everything runs bloody smoothly…

As you can imagine, I’m absolutely ecstatic with this!

So, after giving myself a couple of kicks up the arse and consuming numerous bottles of wine, I decided to dig out my big girl pants and plan the Hen Night of all Hen Nights.

But, let me to tell you… Nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for the night that lay ahead.

To be continued…

Love, Lucy x

What do you do when you find out your partner is a cheating son of a bitch…

 

So many people who haven’t been in this situation can usually be found having a laugh amongst their friends while discussing this very topic. I can promise you that every single night out, this topic will come up at least once and it’s usually one, if not both of the following:

  • If I ever caught him cheating then his balls would definitely be the first to go…
  • Oh hell no. There’s no way I’d put up with any of that crap. He’d be right out the door. No questions asked.

 

But, I ask for those of you that have been in this situation, is it really that simple? Would you really chop his balls off? Is it really worth losing your freedom for someone, who in the end wasn’t actually worth any of your time to begin with? I mean… Come on. While you’re locked up serving time after your glorious show of  revenge, he’s still going to be out there potentially mistreating some other poor soul just the way he mistreated you. “But it was worth it.” I hear you say. Maybe so, but let me remind you of this little important fact; it’s you that’s going to go without any rumpy-pumpy action for a hell of a long time.

Now let me start by saying yes, unfortunately I’ve been there and quite recently in fact. I’m not scared to admit that I was completely oblivious to the signs. Or at least I tried to be. I guess if I pretended that it wasn’t happening, then maybe it was my evil, overly paronoid and equally psychotic twin trying to turn me insane.

The initial lack of communication is common, or so I thought. It can happen from time to time in any relationship. Ladies, it can happen to the best of us. I often began to make excuses, more so to put my mind at ease. Maybe he was stressed, overworked or feeling a little low. I’d try my best to talk to him and ask what was wrong, yet each time his snappy response would be, “Honestly, don’t worry. I’m fine.”

Of course it was… Everything was all hunky-bloody-dory in his world because his cock was getting a constant workout, while I’m the one who was left completely abandoned like a sack of damaged goods.

All too soon, more signs would begin to surface. He’d nip out to the shop, but disappear for hours on end. Now that right there is some bloody relationship that you’ve built up with the shopkeeper if you ask me. I’m lucky if I can make it to the shop and drag my arse back within ten minutes. Trust me, I’ve tried.

The phone, that lovely, shiny, brand spanking new one which you bought him for Christmas suddenly disappears. It’s as if it never existed. The very phone that caused you to go absolutely mental because he was never bloody off the thing playing one game or another. Now… Now it’s nowhere in sight and when it does accidentally go off, your partner suddenly makes a mad dash for it and conveniently something that he ate last week no longer agrees with him.

So tell me ladies, what do you do when you find out your partner is a cheating son of a bitch? Do you call him out on it? Do you tell him that his current shag piece has already messaged you over facebook (ironically where their affair began) to tell you that she can no longer contain her guilt anymore?

I’ll tell you what I did. After reading said message, I calmly grabbed a cold bottle of wine from the fridge and cracked it open. Once I had made progress on that, I happily packed all of his shit and messaged his little skank back explaining that things between us had been over for a while and his things were still here waiting for her to collect. I mean that was the plan after all, no?

Moral of the story: If you’re going to throw your relationship away for a quick shag, make sure that it’s someone you’re prepared to live with.

Now, with that cheating son of a bitch out of my way, (yes, he still has his balls. I hear karma is a bitch and hopefully she’ll see to him getting a nice delightful little rash or something around them sometime soon.) I can get on with my life, and right now my wine and the sight of this delicious locksmith currently changing my locks is a nice, welcome distraction.

Love, Lucy

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